All I Wanted
by ObessedTWFan
Summary: All he ever wanted was her. All she wanted was Grissom. Sandleish kinda.
1. All I Wanted

**A/N:** Trying a little something different here, was shuffling songs to try and get inspired and the thought crossed me all Greg ever wanted was Sara and what Sara ever wanted was Grissom and it hit me so I did a search on my music to see what I had with certain titles and here it is. Put parts of each song in different chapters too so yes I'm aware of it. In all three parts I don't own anything related to the show, characters even the songs. Just the thought that was inspired by the songs. Goes Greg, Sara, Greg in case you were wondering.

* * *

_Here comes the emptiness  
__Just can't leave lonely alone  
__Every day, every day, hey hey…_

…_All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted  
__Was a simple way to get over you  
__All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted  
__Was an in-between to escape this desperate scene  
__Where every lie reveals the truth  
__Baby cause I all ever wanted  
__All I ever wanted was you  
__**All I Ever Wanted – Kelly Clarkson**_

**Part One – All I Wanted**

It wasn't hard for me to see so soon after you started that all you wanted was Grissom.

I would see the secret looks you threw in his direction when you thought no one was watching, how he would never return those looks for years and you did everything in your power to make him see you.

I thought that after a few years the desire you had for him would fade and my chance would prevail and all you would want was me. I tried so hard for you to see me, wearing weird clothing, spiking my hair to new heights even dying it green one time just so you would speak to me and tell me how hideous I looked. I listened to the loudest music I could find so you would come to turn it off or come to say turn it off, so you would speak to me.

My heart grew when Grissom finally accepted my application to train for a CSI position and you as my mentor, knowing that I would be working my shifts with you, learning from you just being near you was almost too overwhelming and at the last minute almost asked Grissom to get me someone else, but I chickened out when I realized he would ask me why I wouldn't want you.

I was the one who had hinted that I be paired with you, and I'm sure Grissom saw it as a way for us to get closer, so you would finally forget about him that the unspoken _No _between would finally no longer have to be said and you could move on.

I'm not sure when it exactly started your excitement with Grissom, but you were in so deep you couldn't see that for the first six years he wasn't interested in you in the way you wanted him to be. You wanted it all I know, the courtship, the kissing, the hand holding, the lovemaking and eventually the white picket fence with you last name changed to _Grissom _instead of _Sidle. _

It wasn't hard to see at all because I wanted the exact same thing with you.

I can see clearly that we never had a chance, you never saw me in that way, or you did but it wasn't enough to get over Grissom with, I really don't know it's not like I'm going to ask you these things.

I wouldn't exactly call it a depression that I've slipped into, more like a mind numbness that allows me to go through the notions without feeling too much or thinking. It's nice sometimes not being able to think.

Not being able to think about you holding his hand, kissing his mouth or crying out his name in bed.

I don't fantasize about you anymore the mind numbness took care of that, I don't really feel too much any more so when the occasion calls for it I go to a bar and find someone that looks like you with hair that's never brown enough, eyes that are never green enough, a gap that's never big enough, a figure that's never quite like yours. I'm settling for something that will never happen and I know it has to stop it's unhealthy.

Move one find someone new forget about you.

If I'm honest with myself I know that will never happen.

No one could ever replace you.


	2. All You Wanted

_I could follow you to the beginning  
And just relive the start  
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down  
To all of our favorite parts  
__**All I Wanted - Paramore**_

**Part Two – All You Wanted**

When we are little we are lead to believe that we can have anything we ever wanted.

That's one big croc of shit.

We have to earn everything we want, everything we need and nothing goes the way as planned.

The good die young and the cheating bastards live until their ninety two.

It's the way life works, so I was prepared to wait forever if I had to for you to notice me.

I tried everything I could think of even got arrested _well that really wasn't on purpose _but I called you for help.

I held on to every piece of bone that you ever threw me and put the pieces together until they all fit but once the bone was complete it was shown that the bone that took so many pieces together was just one in fact small piece of you.

You're compassionate even if you don't realize it and you've let me cry on your shoulder too many times and each time I held my breath for the one thing that would make me feel better. Your lips on mine or the words to spill from your mouth that it was me you wanted all along.

Never once did it happen to me.

I tried to move on I really did, there were several that stole my attention for awhile but some how it always ended up coming back to you.

I ignored the rumours when they started about you and Lady Heather and hoped that you would find me to tell me that nothing happened but when never came I let the doubt sink in.

I know you put me as Greg's mentor because he would listen to me because of his crush and a part of you wanted me to fall for him so I would leave you alone and it almost worked. Greg looked at me like you never have, he was nice to me for no reason and actually liked me for me past mistakes and all.

It all shattered when you threw me the final bone after Brass got shot, you let me in.

You showed me a side you never let anyone see or at least I hoped.

When you asked me to marry you it wasn't quite the way I imagined it but the our relationship was never normal.

I had always pictured you taking me to Paris or somewhere exotic and getting down on one knee asking so politely if I would be your wife. Instead you casually mentioned it to me one night while we were watching the news and a story about a couple of newlyweds had gone missing. Your exact words "I think we should get married"

Suddenly everything we'd gone through, everything you put me through the constant rejection – everything didn't matter anymore because I was getting everything I ever wanted.

Someone who cared.


	3. All I Ever Wanted

_I wanted to be like you  
I wanted everything  
So I tried to be like you  
And I got swept away…_

… _And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares  
__**All You Wanted – Michelle Branch**_

**Part Three – All I Ever Wanted **

As much as I wanted you to be mine, I couldn't deny that I wanted you to be happy even if it was without me.

I was hurt when I never got an invite to the wedding, I understood that it was low key but not even you're supposed best friend got an invite? How low-key was it? Were you ashamed to be married?

Why wasn't I allowed to come, were you afraid that I would do something to stop the wedding?

I would only do that if you asked me to.

Don't you see that? I would do anything for you, even backing off and giving up on the hope of us ever being together because you got your happy ending and I'm stuck outside in the cold pouring rain.

I didn't understand it. I still don't but if that's what you want then so be it. I'll toss it into the pile of unanswered questions.

I smile and bit my tongue when you bring him up in front of me because it still hurts. That's one thing that hasn't gone away.

The hurt.

It's stayed with me in my chest and some days it feels like a big empty hole that nothing can be done about it.

I'm sure in time the feeling will fade time heals all wounds or so they say.

I'm still waiting on that one to come true.

I can't change the way you feel about me, just as I can't feel the way I feel about you.

You're with me inside my core and it wouldn't be right if your not there with me.

I would never do anything to jeopardize your marriage just as I know you wouldn't either but I still hold onto the small hope that you finally come to your senses and see me for me, it was a mistake marrying Grissom and you love me.

I hold on to that hope because some days that's all that keeps me going.

I wish there was a place to escape this torture that I put myself through every day, every minute with you being so near.

But there isn't so I charge ahead praying that with a new day comes a new start.

As each day moves on there are two things that stay constant. I'm still lonely and alone and you're still married to Grissom.

In all my self pity you must see something I see.

All I Ever Wanted was for you to be happy.

With or without me.


End file.
